fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
