Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We got so high we made milksteak
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
