Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
