I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
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like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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