She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
