I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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