that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
