I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
