Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
