when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
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Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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