I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
