rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
