We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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