Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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