He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
