I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
