we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
