My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
