I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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