i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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