put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
