You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
