I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
