i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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