i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
