I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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