jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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