Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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