I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
