Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
