i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize