saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Life is so much better after having sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So much rum. So many feels.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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