I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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