the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
