This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
