I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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