in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
