so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
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Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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