then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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