she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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