what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
