Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
