The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
