i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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