i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
