Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
