you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
