btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
