I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize