What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
