sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
