So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
