I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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