He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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