K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
