my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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