I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
soo... how was my night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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