you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
