New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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