omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
