i was born a porn star she said
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
3 2 1 whiskey
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
