i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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