I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
