Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize