And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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