I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
