like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
