If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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