I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
