So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
