I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
