maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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