and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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